| Sep. 25th, 2009 @ 10:21 am little-girl voice on the phone |
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One of the things I like about werewolf books is that the dominance issues are right up front. They're a major part of how the characters communicate, and there's very little intuition required to figure them out.
I try to be aware of them in my life, like being aware of tension in group work. The two are somewhat tied together. No one wants to talk first at a group meeting because that person is the leader, stuck with all sorts of responsibilities that no one acknowledges.
I also try to be aware of what I'm doing. Often, the second I hang up the phone with, say, car people, I realize that I'm anxious and have been speaking in little-girl voice. It's higher than my casual voice. I don't remember the context-- I may have talked about it here-- but I once caught myself shifting my weight to one hip and holding my head sideways, little-girl posture, look at me, how helpless I am, teehee. This usually happens working with men.
I can almost excuse the hip thing; I'm a bit on the tall side, and shifting to one hip seems to bring counters and lab benches within reach. Infantilizing myself? Not so much.
This is me being little-girl-- for some reason, 'submissive' doesn't work here. I'm still working toward my own ends, but I present myself as more helpless than I actually am.
Contrast this with dominant voice. 'Assertive' is probably more accurate; I don't care about anyone else's ends, only my own. But it feels dominant.
This is from years of speech team. I can do eye contact, though it is exhausting. I can do effective gestures. I am really good at presenting things, at least compared to other students. I've softened some, allowed myself to do the bare minimum of preparation, and still, my Impromptu background comes through. When I need to, I can present.
The last year of grad school (and oh it feels weird to say that) I was more aware of it than before. More aware of how I changed, and how others didn't. It was kind of weird.
I made a jobsearch-related phone call today. I had notes, I had phrases in my head. I used Dominant Professional voice, which is lower, more rounded, more musical, than my casual voice. It's not as extreme as playing a role onstage. It's me. It's me as an adult rather than a student. It's the me wearing clothes that match and look good. It's the me people listen to because she is in charge, not because she spoke first.
It's the me I might grow up to be someday, except I've been using this me for years now. |
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